This is NOT Your Typical Blog Post From Me... so listen up... You're Doing Better Than You Think You Are.
 

I made a big post on Facebook about getting in front of the camera like a month back, after I got photos back from a session I did with my bestie Sam with Samantha Hayn Photography.  If you did not see it, this blog might make less sense, so I will copy and paste it for you ! ALSO pop on over to Facebook and check it out, and follow Sam, cause she pretty much is the bee's knee's and SUPER DUPER talented, and I love her. 

"FB RANT" 

EVERYONE...GET IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA! I am one of the most awkward humans when I’m on the other side of the camera, but I am going to be REALLY transparent and tell you why...first let me tell you, I have quite the blessed life. I have an amazing support system, a very close- to ideal single parent situation, my parents are pretty great, and want nothing but the best and success for me and will push me more than I realized I could be pushed.

My business is thriving and no setbacks stopped my drive, and God’s will to have me doing this...but I still struggle, I still cry myself to sleep some nights, wondering if I am a good mom, wondering how can I retire? What will happen if I get sick, etc... wondering if I’ll have clients to support me to keep going on this journey, wondering what is the next step in my company, new ways to market, how can I engage on social media... furthermore, I can get REALLY DOWN on myself and isolate myself (especially since my two besties moved away) and get depressed. I am EXTREMELY CRITICAL of myself. It’s a side very few see, I am a VERY happy person, unafraid to be myself ... but let me tell you I AM MY OWN WORST CRITIC... and can really struggle with self worth and self esteem... as many of us do.

So what does this have to do with being in front of the camera ?

This particular day Sam captured this... I was in an AWFUL mood, I didn’t see myself in a good light, I felt alone, unworthy, and just not my usual self.... when I got these images a few days ago I got the reminder how beautiful life is, and I can be. I got to see myself the way she saw me, one of my closest friends who had no idea the impact of these. EVERYONE DESERVES TO KNOW THEIR WORTH and to see themselves the way others see them.

THIS is why everyone should make the time to get in front of a camera.... take away the mirror, the self doubt, the emotion and hardships we often put/cause upon ourselves.

Do yourself a favor and invest in yourself, get in front of a camera for YOU. Allow yourself to see you trough someone else’s eyes... you’re so beyond worth it, and your story deserves to be told. Thank you Sam for these photos, they came at just the right time.
 

OK.. SO...I don’t put my serious business out there too much on social media .. it’s not the platform for me.

BUT, I will say one of the BIGGEST things I struggle with is my confidence in the type of mother that I am, and those in my life know a LARGE part of my identity is found in being a mother to Malachi... Yet, this post is not about him at all, it is about me...

I allowed someone to come into my life and change my opinion of being a good mom, they did it inadvertently, more of a reflection of the person they were at the time. I second guessed every parenting choice I made, I developed (changed) a thought process that good moms don’t need breaks... FALSE THEY DO, and they deserve it! But I allowed someone make me think I was wrong. Again, a good person.. just in a bad season.

FastForward::: year(s) have passed and I’m slowly growing to know myself again in my parenting.

Remember when I said in that post about getting in front of the camera let’s you see yourself how others see you?

Well everyone, this leads me to part 1, of part 2..meet Amanda...

Amanda and I had seen another at a wedding I covered, and at one point attended the same church Mission City Church ..but up until a month ago didn’t know each other, until she asked me for photog advice ... we met over coffee at The Haus, texted, etc and planned to work on some Awesomenesss together to help her gown and me learn how to teach others in the industry to grow.

This weekend we went out shooting (for one...she is amazing in front of the camera not just behind, but for two magic happened) ...

This image is only half the magic ... the other half is what Amanda (Amanda Kohl Photography) captured...

I received this image of Kai and I... I felt a connection, and then I started laughing from my trying to run in that dress with a 80lb kid (4 foot 3, and I am only 5'2 child), as it started to rain... and how we made a memory that moment.

Then everyone started commenting on the Facebook post of the pic ... I then started to feel brave, and that I’m doing better than I think I am...

A few of y’all made a funny comment about being a super hero...

*Colin: #supermom #epic #wonderboy

*Neal: 300! Strong

*Emily: You look like Kai’s superhero! So beautiful

*Alexis: the love of a mother and son love you both

*Khanh: You look like a superhero in this picture! Supermom!
 

YOU KNOW WHAT I AM A FREAKING SUPERHERO, at least in his eyes... and you know what THAT IS WHAT MATTERS!

I AM DOING BETTER THAN I THINK I AM (Thanks Dustin... I tried to add the clip of you calling me out in service, but its not working)

IF SOMEONE WHO I HARDLY KNEW SAW THIS SUPERHERO IN ME WHY DO I NOT ACCEPT IT AND SEE IT MYSELF! God made me this way, and I need to own it!

Amanda,

  If you are still reading this, I am so glad to welcome you into our lives, you will have a forever friendship with me, and I CAN NOT thank you enough for seeing something fierce in me. I thank God for you, for almost a stranger to show me this, to remind me who I am and my worth even though it was right in front of my eyes. Who would have ever imagined. I hope and pray I can give you half of what you have given me through that image.